The Latin motto carpe diem is used ad nauseum by potential motivators who lack sufficient creative qualities or interesting content to duly arrive at their imperative call to action. It is a small step up from bosses who use sports analogies out of both convenience and lack of adequate metaphor resources. By the time the speaker has pitched you their seize the day line, you have already struck out at the attention bat.
Dealing with loneliness is something that they do not prepare you for when you decide to spend a semester abroad. The typical advice consists of “be sure to buy an international calling card, don’t be afraid to try new things, and write home every now-and-then.” I can call home or you can call me with local Oshkosh rates with my Skype number (920-626-4536). Apple’s iChat provides me with the opportunity to speak face-to-face with friends via video conferencing. I have tried plenty local food items. I write postcards every week to a lucky few. Check… check… and check. So what is the problem? Have you not met people there and made new friends? The Facebook profile would seem to indicate that I interact on some amicable level with other people. The feelings of being alone usually do not occur when engaged in these sorts of activities. Their brief durations occupy time and release endorphins, which your brain would interpret as pleasurable.
In the middle of this last night I woke up flailing my left arm, looking for that familiar collection of attractive curves I call my girlfriend. In my semi-conscious state I found nothing but empty space, which thrust me into an unanticipated panic. Then came the gripping realization that she was 4500 miles away. I layed back down and tried to tell myself “everything is okay.” It is moments like those that are the most difficult. The conditioned responses stemming from two years of sleeping at someone’s side that you are powerless to stop. The conditioned responses stemming from the familiar environment around oneself that make day-to-day life easy.
That experience put me into a magnificent slump. I have done nothing all day today but sit in front of my dying laptop in some vain effort to scorn the world outside my door by not gracing it with my presence. I drank almost two liters of Pepsi Light while sitting here all day and now I cannot sleep. I have not seized any portion of this day.
Carpe noctum.
Ergriffen Sie die Nacht!
Seize the night.