Forgive me Flying Spaghetti Monster for I have sinned. Below is a list of things I may or may not have done.
- Sending paper plates as postcards through the mail.
- Recommending with a straight face “Plan B” to a friend in full knowledge that it isn’t meant to be taken by men.
- Calling the Stewart Hall call box demanding nachos.
- Filling out magazine subscription cards with the names of friends and loved ones.
- Sending credit card offers back filled with stale crackers and Skittles.
- Demanding a new bag of M&M’s because the last one was “full of 3’s and W’s instead of M’s.”
- Claiming that not taking insulin and having high blood sugars is a safe way to lose weight.
- Screaming in Taco Bell that the employee with the “G-Money” tattoo on his neck is “rollin’ in Hamiltons.”
- Asserting that German is “the true language of love.”
- Asserting shortly thereafter that the French language comes exclusively from “Canada – America’s Hat.”
I encourage you to share your confessions, real or fabricated, in fellowship with me. You may post under a pseudonym if you so desire.
Today I spilled milk on the floor of a restaurant and blamed my baby.