When I came into work this morning I realized that I forgot my scuba gear. The past few days’ persistent rains have brought copious amounts of water. UW – Oshkosh’s River Center, along with a couple of dorms residence halls have significant water damage. Our entire Maintenance workshop is under several feet of water. I have several pictures of our loading dock area in a Flickr photoset.
January came and went and I couldn’t help but feel a cavernous void within my inner-being. Something was not right. Something was out of place. I felt as though I missed something entirely, as though it passed me by. Then I realized…
I never got to see Jessica Simpson’s movie “Blonde Ambition” because it made a grand total of $1,190 at the box office. That is a comma in there and not a decimal indicating millions. One-thousand and ninety dollars. Playing at only eight theaters in her home state of Texas during December it set the record for lowest box office draw. Studio executives decided not to release it nationwide this January. In 2007 I spent half of the year out of the country and worked a student job part time I still made more money than the entire box office draw for this film. ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY DOLLARS. One one nine zero.
Be sure to look for Blonde Ambition on DVD at a Wal-Mart near you later this month. They’ll be packing them with melonballers so you can give yourself a lobotomy after viewing this silver screen monstrosity.
In the January 22, 2008 issue of The Advance Titan, Oshkosh’s college newsrag, the “Busted!” section reported a dearth of alcohol related incidents. I have compiled a handy chart to help you digest the stats. Bear in mind that the BAC statistics are merely the ones that were reported and that there are more with alcohol involvement who received citations. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Right now there is a trade show going on called CES 2008 where electronics manufacturers show off all of there latest wares. Coverage has been blanketing the interblogs and telescreens with the latest and greatest in tech geekery. The tech blog Gizmodo has recently come clean about a prank they’ve pulled at the show. Demonstrators show-wide could not figure out why their screens where just randomly turning off. Wall after wall of tv-aided sales pitches suddenly went dark. You can’t help but giggle. The editors for the blog were using a product called TV-B-Gone. I too may have used this product in the past. Mwahahaha….
The Public Relations Department at FedEx received my tersely worded mountain of diabtribe. In response to their gross incompetence FedEx apologizes for the trouble I had using their shipping certificates. However, in typical American fashion, FedEx neither fully admits or fully apologizes for the sequence of events. They state that it was the responsibility of their local representatives to follow the terms of the certificate. They attempt to diminish the blow by writing in closing:
“Mr. Fager, not as compensation, but as a gesture of goodwill… an American Express gift cheque is enclosed…”
For the $40 in worthless FedEx shipping certificates I returned, they sent me $50, which I can use anywhere. What am I going to do with this small fortune? Purchase the domain rights to kenfager.com for another few years. That way this piece of FedEx garbage keeps floating around the interwebs for others to read.
The moral of the story is that people who can read and write are extremely difficult to manipulate. Go to school. Read a book. Write a letter.
Last year a lucky few received this amazing unsolicited card. If you would like to receive this year’s RAD TO THE MAX-TREME Limited Edition Kaela and Ken Kristmas Kard (of Awesomeness) 2007 e-mail your mailing address to kenfager(at)gmail.com or leave it in the comments. We’re making a new one next week. The deadline is December 20 so hurry the fudge up.
PS: Offer good only to people either of us know.
A new letter sent to FedEx Public Relations reads as follows.
Attn: FedEx Public Relations
I use the following sentence in the purest sense that I scoured the entire English lexicon to adequately describe my feelings toward your services. So without further ado…
Shove these worthless savings certificates ***********************.
(Edit: Changed to “You Suck.” in the actual letter.)
Now that all pretenses have been so academically put forth, let me explain my position. I received three $20 savings certificates from FedEx in response to a letter in which I out-lined the egregious failings of your shipping service. The impassioned letter I received along with the certificates did little to quell my displeasure with your service. Nonetheless I still felt as though I had the right to use FedEx services until the certificates were used and thusly terminate my patronage thereafter.
But oh woe falleth unto this savvy consumer. No one knows at thy local FedExKinkos how to process said savings certificate. It took nothing short of an hour of waiting to get the first set of packages out the door after I presented the first certificate, as the clerk and manager had no idea how to enter the certificate into the system. Phone support apparently was no help either.
The second time I entered FedExKinkos nearly two months later I found out that they were still waiting from FedEx how to process the first savings certificate. After waiting a good length of time I finally opted to pay cash for the transaction, rather than grind my teeth into a bloody slurry of enamel chunks.
It is with mounted displeasure that I return to you two of the three savings certificates. Enclosed along with the certificates is the business card of a poor FedExKinkos employee whose store took a loss, as she is unable to process the first worthless savings certificate I used. I have also enclosed the receipts for the original transaction that I used with that original certificate in the hopes that one day you get around to honoring your own promises. The receipt where I opted to use cash instead of your infernal savings certificates in order to save myself time is also enclosed.
Somehow your company missed the point of trying to win back my business. I hope that by returning these two $20 certificates prior to their expiration date is indicative of my displeasure. Using these certificates has been an experience that has only further entrenched me in my hatred of all things FedEx. The next time I receive a FedEx package I may not even take the item out of the box before I burn it in effigy.
If you have read this letter and feel as though I am some nut-job with an unwarranted vendetta, please refer to the following links for a valuable history lesson.:
https://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/283
https://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/294
https://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/308Included Documents:
1 – FedExKinkos employee business card
2 – $20 FedEx Savings Certificates which no one knows how to use
2 – Customer Shipping Record forms
2 – Original receipts for all transactionsFilled to the brim with apoplectic rage,
Ken Fager
FedEx, you truly have earned my disdain.
You may recall reading a while back about my struggles with FedEx and their response to my distaste from ever utilizing their services. Somehow I knew that this issue was not laid to rest.
FedEx sent me 3 certificates valued at $20 each for my shipping needs to quell my displeasure with them destroying my medication. I’m willing to wager their public relations people did this to somehow win over my affections and forgive their company for their egregious error. Perhaps, in some way, in using these certificates they would be able to prove that they are an able shipping company worthy of my future business dollars. A means of gaining trust and, perhaps, even forgiveness.
No.
Everytime I go a licensed FedEx drop point I’m met with hassle. The first place I went to in Oshkosh literally told me, “you need to go to the FedExKinkos on the other side of town to use these.” Then when I get to FedExKinkos the drone working the counter doesn’t know what to do with the certificate. The support number the drone calls also doesn’t have an answer. Well over a half an hour later the staff finally figures out what to do.
Hello FedEx. I’m going to use your damn certificates because I legitimately have that money coming to me. But why must you insist on making their usage so infuriating? Is not the point of these certificates to satiate me to the point where I no longer tell people not to use FedEx? If so, you’ve spectacularly failed.
If you have an item that needs to be shipped, consider you options with DHL, UPS, or even the US Postal Service.
What is the fastest, most reliable, and cheapest way to ship a package overseas? It isn’t FedEx.
My family shelled out $270 USD to ship a package from Green Bay, Wisconsin to Marburg, Germany. I recommended using UPS or DHL for better results, but I can understand my mother’s concern. She is a nurse, after all, and the contents of the package are things that I cannot live without. It contains insulin, syringes, and blood glucose strips to treat diabetes. Mind you that insulin should not go without refrigeration for an extended period, hence the steep amount of money paid for post haste delivery. The package was dropped off on June 7.
Believing the package to be en route I merely waited for someone to ring my doorbell. If I was not home I expected a little card to be placed in my mailbox saying something to the effect of:
We tried to deliver this package, but you were not available. How can we get this package to you in a timely manner? Here is our contact information. Thank You, FedEx
After some time I began to get worried when nothing showed up. Naively I told myself that this kind of stuff happens all the time. People here have shared similar stories of packages originating from the United States not arriving on time. So I filed the thought in the back of my mind until more pressing issues were resolved. When I finally checked the status on their website and it read “Clearance Delay.” I called FedEx and they told me that they required a copy of my plane ticket, a copy of my passport, and a written statement before it could be sent out. I would have to fax all of these details to Frankfurt. Getting a copy of my ticket, a copy of my passport, and a written statement faxed out took quite some time and 0.90 Euro. After all was said and done I called FedEx the next day to ensure that they received my fax. They confirmed and I breathed a sigh of relief. All should be well.
It can be difficult to deliver a package when someone is not home. However, I cannot sit around and wait for this box to show up. There are lectures to attend, homework to stumble through, and other necessary obligations. So when I got home this last Wednesday night I received an e-mail that said “Unable to collect payment.” I immediately called FedEx to ask what was wrong now. They told me that an attempt to deliver the package was made, but I had “refused the package.” I was floored by this revelation. How could I have “refused the package” when I had not even spoken to anyone? They said, and I quote, “Maybe one of your flat-mates didn’t want to pay the fee.” How could anyone have told the delivery person that I wasn’t going to pay? I live in a single room… alone. There is no way one of my “flat-mates” could have told the delivery person that. Yes, please, do tell. How much is this fee? “69.41 Euro.”
Insulin is something you cannot live without and, unfortunately, my pancreas staged a successful coup de tat 13 years ago. I have no choice in the matter than but to pay this fee. The proposition of living for close to a month without proper medical treatment would be detrimental, if not downright fatal. Anticipating the collection of dues I walked down the street to the closest Sparkasse ATM and withdrew 100 Euro. I know exactly what the exchange rate was at that moment because my online account says I took out 134.63 USD. So 69.41 Euro after the exchange rate comes to 93.45 USD. Tack 1 USD onto that for the ATM fee.
But why the 69.41 Euro fee? When you send goods German customs charges a Duty-and-Tax Reclaim fee according to the “Ancillary Clearance Fees – Germany” page on fedex.com. I would like to think that the local Wisconsin FedEx representative informed my family of this nominal fee before agreeing to ship the package, but my instinct tells me that they did not. Nor did I have any indication on the tracking page to suspect any sort of impending fees. What happens when the delivery person arrives at the door and John College-Student has nothing but pocket change for laundry handy? Is it not logistically then more expensive for the shipping company to pay the man-hours to redeliver the parcel?
Seething to the brink with anger I informed FedEx that I would be home Friday, June 22 in the morning. They said that the delivery would come between 8 a.m. and noon. Just for extra precaution I put a note with my cell phone number on it next to the doorbell.
Shortly after noon I received an e-mail update on the status of my package. What could it be this time? “Incorrect address.” The FedEx representative on the other line rattled off the address on the package to me line by line.
Kenneth Fager. – That’s me.
Ernst-Lemmer-Strasse? – Check.
House number 15? – You bet.
Marburg? – Affirmative.
Please note that the delivery person was able to locate my living quarters when I was not home on Wednesday, but unable to successfully locate it on Friday. Locating a correct address with “faulty” information is a spectacular feat. Being unable to locate an address with correct information after previously being there boggles the mind. All this drama, despite the note next to my name on the doorbell that said I would be there and had a phone number to call. The representative said that they would call back in a few minutes after this situation was worked out. Slightly over an hour later I received a call that the package would be delivered on Monday, June 25 between 8 a.m. and noon. For some reason I had my doubts that this would be accomplished.
Monday morning and I am wide-awake at 8. For some nagging reason I cannot fall back to sleep. I went downstairs to check to see if my note was still down there. Yes, it is. Now all I have to do is wait some more. By noon there was still no package in my possession and I wasted no time calling FedEx. They assured me that the package is en route and would be delivered by 5 that evening.
Finally, at 2:20 p.m., a delivery person showed up with my package. The first thing I noticed was that he was not wearing a FedEx uniform. I did not quite catch the name of the delivery service, but do recall being rather offended by the idea that FedEx may have passed the buck on this one. I forked over the 69.45 Euro and headed back inside. Fortunately the contents of the package arrived in sound condition.
The accompanying paperwork outside the box made everything clear. The invoices filled out and signed by my father have the correct information verbatim. The accompanying statements from my doctor also have the correct information verbatim. It was not until the package arrived into the possession of Federal Express Europe, Inc. that things got messed up. They copied my information incorrectly on their delivery sticker. Kenneth Fager suddenly became Kenneth Faerern. Keep in mind that my correct name and address were visible all over the package in multiple places.
The thing that really gets me going about this whole situation is that FedEx never informed me of the problems with my package until I contacted them. Every step of the way I had to poke and prod them. Every day that my package sat waiting for clearance and delivery, charges were stacked up without my knowledge. What kind of customer service is this? My insulin has been sitting God-knows-where for over two weeks degrading every moment it is not in cold storage. I just hope the vials have not been baking in some delivery truck. I have just enough supplies to last a week. I literally am on my last vial of NPH and blood glucose test strips. It just may have been easier and cheaper to ship each item innocuously via regular mail.
Summarization of time and money spent to get this package:
FedEx’s website has a page that outlines their mission statement. Under “loyalty” it says, “We earn the respect and confidence of our FedEx people, customers and investors every day, in everything we do.” I believe their pledge of loyalty to the customer to be an absolute farce. They have not earned my respect or confidence, but instead robbed me of time and given me nothing but stress for the past week.
This scenario is more than likely an exception to the rule. However, as a frequent seller of goods on eBay, I now refuse to consider FedEx as a shipping option. I hereby will not recommend their services and will go out of my way to avoid using them. If you have a package to ship overseas your best bets are going to be UPS or DHL. I can say with a certain degree of assurance that when I had problems shipping goods in the past, UPS and DHL were quick to rectify the issue.
Just now I came across the german word Jammer. Resorting to my trusty book-o-words I have come to discover that der Jammer means the following:
How utterly fitting. Part of my private education can be summed up in its entirety with those three words. My least favorite teacher bore that word as a last name. Oh, the irony.