A new letter sent to FedEx Public Relations reads as follows.

Attn: FedEx Public Relations

I use the following sentence in the purest sense that I scoured the entire English lexicon to adequately describe my feelings toward your services. So without further ado…

Shove these worthless savings certificates ***********************.

(Edit: Changed to “You Suck.” in the actual letter.)

Now that all pretenses have been so academically put forth, let me explain my position. I received three $20 savings certificates from FedEx in response to a letter in which I out-lined the egregious failings of your shipping service. The impassioned letter I received along with the certificates did little to quell my displeasure with your service. Nonetheless I still felt as though I had the right to use FedEx services until the certificates were used and thusly terminate my patronage thereafter.

But oh woe falleth unto this savvy consumer. No one knows at thy local FedExKinkos how to process said savings certificate. It took nothing short of an hour of waiting to get the first set of packages out the door after I presented the first certificate, as the clerk and manager had no idea how to enter the certificate into the system. Phone support apparently was no help either.

The second time I entered FedExKinkos nearly two months later I found out that they were still waiting from FedEx how to process the first savings certificate. After waiting a good length of time I finally opted to pay cash for the transaction, rather than grind my teeth into a bloody slurry of enamel chunks.

It is with mounted displeasure that I return to you two of the three savings certificates. Enclosed along with the certificates is the business card of a poor FedExKinkos employee whose store took a loss, as she is unable to process the first worthless savings certificate I used. I have also enclosed the receipts for the original transaction that I used with that original certificate in the hopes that one day you get around to honoring your own promises. The receipt where I opted to use cash instead of your infernal savings certificates in order to save myself time is also enclosed.

Somehow your company missed the point of trying to win back my business. I hope that by returning these two $20 certificates prior to their expiration date is indicative of my displeasure. Using these certificates has been an experience that has only further entrenched me in my hatred of all things FedEx. The next time I receive a FedEx package I may not even take the item out of the box before I burn it in effigy.

If you have read this letter and feel as though I am some nut-job with an unwarranted vendetta, please refer to the following links for a valuable history lesson.:

http://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/283

http://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/294

http://kenfager.com/wordpress/index.php/archives/308

Included Documents:
1 – FedExKinkos employee business card
2 – $20 FedEx Savings Certificates which no one knows how to use
2 – Customer Shipping Record forms
2 – Original receipts for all transactions

Filled to the brim with apoplectic rage,
Ken Fager

FedEx, you truly have earned my disdain.