A few days ago I received a letter in the mail that shook me to the core. It was a Cease and Desist Order direct from God himself.

September 7, 2008

Dear Mr. Kenneth W. Fager,

It has come to our attention that you, Kenneth W. Fager, have continued to praise The Almighty and His Subsidiaries® without the expressed written consent of the LORD.

The LORD, Jesus, and Holy Ghost are hereby issuing Kenneth W. Fager a CEASE AND DESIST order. Under the terms of His Divine Plan (4000 B.C) section 40 paragraph 7 “The LORD has the authority to designate whom among His Creation (in this case Kenneth W. Fager) will be granted the gift of the Gospel (see New Testament for more information). The LORD also retains the right to revoke said gift of the Gospel.”

According to our records Kenneth W. Fager received a Notice of Divine Revocation on April 26, 2008. In direct defiance of the Notice of Divine Revocation clauses, Kenneth W. Fager has continued to praise The Almighty and His Subsidiaries®.

If public or private praise of The Almighty and His Subsidiaries® continues past September 14 then The LORD et al will seek monetary damages to the tune of € 1,700,000,000,000,000.

Unconditional Love,
Yahweh
Jesus H. Christ
Holy Ghost

Undersigned:
Weinstein Legal Partners

PS: I’m just kidding mate. You are one of my favorites. Keep on praisin’. I’ll leave the door open for when you come home in six months. – GOD

Imagine my relief when I read that last line. Being sued for Euros? How could I ever pay that off with the horrid exchange rate? I’m glad He’s got a sense of humor.