Monthly Archives: February 2007

Bis Später USA

My next post will be on the fertile grounds of Deutschland. I’ve waited nearly two years for this day to come. Operation Übertaco operatives are to rally at the Comfort Inn in Gurnee, Illinois before the flight tomorrow from O’hare. To my friends who could not join me, I will find your deutsche Doppelgaenger.

Donate Today

I was recently approached by a volunteer working for the Red Cross who asked I would be interested in donating blood. I politely told her that it was not in the best interest of the public. When asked why by the naive volunteer I calmly replied, “Because I’m coming back from my monthly Vampire Amateur Blood Transfusion Anonymous Cosplay Bacchanalia/Pot Luck Dinner/Dirty Syringe Swap Meet also known as San Francisco circa 1979.” The look on the volunteer’s face was blank while her mind was trying to assimilate all of these elements as I calmly walked away.

Operation Übertaco Software

I picked up a Palm Tungsten C to handle all of my day to day organization and translation needs. It has an ultra fast 400Mhz Xscale processor, keyboard, Wi-Fi, and the best part is it is not a cell phone. It was cheap on eBay and does what I need it to do. Operation Übertaco operatives should consider installing the following apps.

Docs to Go

Documents to Go can handle all my Word, Powerpoint, and Excel documents. Comes in handy when editing this presentation on Homosexuality and High School Education. I got an A+ on this assignment.

Easy Tour

Easy Tour is the Swiss Army Knife of travel programs. It has everything from currency conversion, size charts, English to Metric conversion, timers, clocks, and all sorts of alarms. Saves a lot of time and hassle.

LingvoSoft

Lingvosoft for quick language translation. Simple yet effective. Contains a lot of colloquialisms.
MD Dict

MS Dict is a better dictionary despite its slower interface.

NES

NesEm for all my Nintendo ROMS. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Select Start.

MunduIM

MunduIM for all my messaging needs. Works with Yahoo!, MSN, AIM, and ICQ.

TV

NoviiRemote has about 500 remote codes for various consumer electronics. TVs are thine enemy. Smite them with this.

Wi-Fi Where

Wi-Fi Where handles all your Wi-Fi signal locating needs. Notice all the open networks. Notice how dumb people are in labeling them. Gee… I wonder what someone could do with an open network?

ZTA pwnd

I’m in ur networkz, pwnin ur bandwidthz.

no

This is the reason you lock your network. The above image was censored for the good of humanity.

Shoah – Hebrew for Disaster

Today I went to see Holocaust survivor Henry Golde speak on campus at the urging of my girlfriend. I was not disappointed at his tale of survival through 10 different concentration camps. When finished with his tale I had the opportunity to ask him a question that had been in the back of my mind for quite some time.

The First Amendment of the US Constition guarantees the free exchange of ideas and this area of thought is protected. What can a teacher of German say to someone who denies the holocaust ever happened? Mr. Golde went into detail about a local Wisconsin librarian who attempted to remove books from schools mentioning the holocaust since it was a “hoax.” His account was poignant and even funny in how he dealt with the situation. The thing that stuck out most about his answer though was only a brief snippit. People may deny and/or refute the mountains of evidence, but what happened to Mr. Golde’s family?

Am I to understand that one day millions of people just decided to never see their family members ever again to support a radical conspiracy against the Nazis? Thank you for putting that into perspective Mr. Golde. Shalom.

Forget HD Television… Here is Colecovision

The first and third Mondays of every month mean that St. Vincent De Paul’s Thrift Store has a 50% off sale. My past few visits have been marked by a yearning to pick up a box that had been sitting on the floor for weeks. The $75 price tag just threw me off every time. I gave into the urge today thanks to massive savings.
Colecovision

It is a Colecovision with the Atari 2600 Expansion Module and it came with 32 games. Now, I already own two Colecovisions and that wacky expansion dongle. But you never know what you may find when you pick up these collection. I got three games that I do not have in my collection. Defender (Sears Tele-games label), Star Wars: Jedi Arena, and perhaps the oddest Atari 2600 cart ever, the Xonox Double Ender. When I pulled this cart out of the box I was rendered unconcious for hours by what I believe to be a roundhouse kick to the face. When I came to and my blurred vision cleared up I read the cart label. One end of the cartridge was Artillery Duel and the other end was Chuck Norris Superkicks. Sweeeeeet!

Xonox

Thanks Drew

According to my friend Drew the local dialect of Sheboygan, Wisconsin uses the word “schnibbel” to describe a scrap piece of paper. I had an inclination that this word had German roots so I whipped out the translator on my Tungsten C. Sure enough schnibbel is derived from the masculine/neuter German noun Schnippel.

The thousands of dollars I will be paying well into my 50′s for my college education has payed off. Thanks Drew.

Six Degrees of Music Identification

I need your help identifying a gorgeous piece of music that I have been trying to track down for months. I intend to purchase the album it came on but I cannot identify the artist(s). I first came across the music watching content on the website of Bodyworlds creator Gunther van Hagens.So without further delay here is the link to the audio file. Please leave me a message if you know the title and/or author(s) of this track.Vielen Dank,kenfager.com staff

Pirate Plunder 110%

For the past two months I have been working third shift at Festival Foods here in Oshkosh. Last Thursday I turned in my two-week notice to allow adequate time for the final preparations for Operation Übertaco. Working third shift can be slow and monotonous and gives a man a lot of time to think. In the middle of aisle 13 at 4 a.m., the waning hour of the soul, silence was shattered as I broke out into maniacal laughter. An idea most nefarious in nature sprung into my mind. Quitting my employment at Festival would be too easy. Rather than merely punch out after my tenure I plan on doing something much more fun. On my last day I plan on executing the following plan, which I will dub “Pirate Plunder 110%!”

Around midnight the third shift stockers take a 15-minute break. Rather than punch back in after this break I will forget to do so. This way I am off the clock when I make my exit. Shortly before 12:30 a.m. a shopper will make their way down the aisle I am working in. The presence of the shopper will alert me that the plan is about to commence. When the shopper passes I will cough to give the okay to go ahead or a hello to wait a few minutes. The shopper will exit the building and purchase a small item on the way out. The shopper will inform the team of at least three more people waiting outside of my location. The shopper will return with at least three other shoppers.  The group of shoppers will separate into adjacent aisles and put on their pirate regalia (now known as “pirates”). Half will go the far end and the other two will wait at the front end of the aisle where I am located. The pirates will approach me quickly, grab me by the shoulders and begin to drag me out of the store. One of the pirates will be charged with handing a “ransom” note to one of my coworkers. The note will contain an explanation of what just happened for those without a sense of humor.
Let me know if you want in. Details will be hashed out.